Did you see the most ridiculous Time Magazine cover? The one that is meant to turn moms against each other? A fellow adoptive mom wrote a great article about the mom wars here...it’s well worth a read.

Both of these got me thinking about how society tries to turn females against females. It’s not just moms against moms…but it can starts much younger.

Whose prettier?

Whose smartier?

Who gets the attention of the boys?

Whose more talented?

It starts with each girl questioning herself...Am I pretty enough? Am I smart enough? Will people notice me? Am I talented enough?

And it’s as if the media and society one to exploit each of those weakness within a girl by creating illusions of “perfection” in each of those areas. Perfection that is not achievable by ANYONE.

Instead of turning to each other as woman/girls for support in this crazy world of unrealistic standards…we turn against each other. While I am certain this started long ago, I am convinced that the “world” encourages it and praises it!

How do we help girls work together instead of against each other?

1. Start with small groups! Girl only small groups provide a place for girls to be honest with each other…and help girls see that they are not alone.

2. Showcase all different type of girls. In our leadership and with our students…let’s not match the world with similar standards of perfection for girls. Let all different sizes, shapes and personality have a chance to lead…behind on the scenes or on the stage.

3. Watch your words. Listen for ways that you communicate what is the right way of applying God’s word…are you praising a particular type of student? Are all welcomed in your ministry?

What are your thoughts?

What’s wrong with this commercial?

Yikes, yet another commercial that sends all the wrong messages about teen age girls. Mean, judgmental…even grown men should be afraid of them.

What one company thinks communicates humor actually may be giving permission to culture and to the girls within it to behave not as they are but as they are expected.  And this isn’t the first time I’ve seen or heard this same message from a commercial…I can’t even begin to list the other forms of media that communicate that exact same thing. It’s okay to be mean…because you are a teenage girl.

Ironically, we are surprised when girls bully and tease other girls. We can’t believe it when girls use their words to hurt another so badly that they would consider taking their own life.

We need to…

TALK about kindness

and…

MODEL kindness.

I believe girls can be different than what the world says about them- let’s help them discover it!!

So, what do you think is wrong with this commercial?

Sitting in Starbucks…prepping for my message this weekend.
I get to share about the Samaritan woman at the well and her interaction with Jesus.
It’s such a powerful story of what happens when someone encounters Jesus.
I found this great quote…and wanted to share it:
“As the woman departs from the well to tell the Good News in the city, she leaves her water jar behind. The Gospel writer’s mention of the abandoned water jar is an intriguing detail. Perhaps it expresses the fact that she now possesses the living water and will never thirst again. Perhaps it conveys her haste and apostolic zeal to witness Jesus. Most interestingly, many commentators see it as as the feminine counterpart to the nets and boats of the male disciples left behind to follow Jesus.” -The Women of the Gospel, Stephen Binz

Love it! Another powerful example of Jesus calling and changing lives through women!!

“Am I Good Enough?” – this little question is asked by a majority of teenage girls. There is an easy answer – unfortunately, most girls need to hear it multiple times, different ways and from a variety of people.

Here are some times and ways:

*Every time you interact with a girl in your ministry you can reinforce your value and worth with an encouraging word and with a hug.

*In your messages share stories of women from the Bible, from your church and from your ministry. By sharing stories of other women you are showing how Jesus sees value in all people…in all their uniqueness.

*Be clear-we are never good enough…Communicate that truth…don’t confuse students (girls) by creating false standards of what makes someone good.

*Stop focusing on the outside. We spend a lot of time talking about the issues related to a girl’s appearance…a girl will never feel good enough when it comes to appearance…point to the amazing unique qualities of each girl in your ministry and help them see what matters most about them.

*Do something special for girls to tackle this topic. Give them an outlet to process and discuss what they are feeling…being able to express their feelings in a safe place is a great gift we can give them.

*Encourage parents to talk about it with their students. Hearing that you are good and that you matter from your parents can change a students outlook on themselves!

What do you do when a girl expresses the pain of not feeling good enough?

Have you heard about Love Does? Or about Bob Goff? I heard him for the first time at Catalyst and got his book before I left the conference. It was a quick and easy read. And while it was so good- I didn’t even feel like you got a full feel of who Bob Goff is…Nonetheless, by the end, I was wishing he was my Uncle and that I that I could live life with the whimsy and creativeness that he does. I began to imagine what ministry could look like if we followed Bob Goff’s lead as he approaches love with an attitude that says LOVE DOES…not just feels.

Each chapter started with a simple statement- a before and after statement that set up the chapter. Each chapter told a story from the life of Bob- from every age of his life. He’s a big fan of Young Life and you’ll hear how it impacted his life as a teenager…which is cool for us youth workers! After each story he shares what he’s learned about Jesus. Super cool…plus he’s got some great stories that could be used in youth messages.

If you don’t have it yet, you should get it! Have you read it yet?

Our team recently checked out this sweet little resource for youth workers. This quick little read has a great overview of a variety of topics like pornography, media messages, purity and body image as well as “hot button issues” like sexting, masturbation and abuse. I really like Craig Gross and his work with XXXChurch…this resources doesn’t disappoint. It’s loaded with stats, studies and personal stories. Plus, it provides great questions and conversation starters to get students talking about this important and sensitive topic.

This book helps us see how the world has changed when it comes to teens and sex. For example, this great quote from a 15 year old student:

“You don’t have to wait for sex ed class in school or talk to your parents anymore to learn about sex. You can just go online and find everything you need. The internet and pornography are where most of my friends learned what to do.”

Another insight resource from Craig Cross!

Check out this great resource!

Those were the words that began my awkward conversation this weekend with a young girl standing outside of our student room. She went on to tell me that she has attended this church for years and every week someone asks her if it’s her first time or if she is a visitor. My first response was to defend my lack of ability to remember anybody’s name or defend the fact that our youth ministry is large and sometimes it’s hard to remember everyone. But instead I just listened…and after spending a few minutes of asking her more questions about her story…I left her with a promise that I would remember her name and that I would find her each week!

This awkward moment in youth ministry got me thinking:

Bigger isn’t always better! If a ministry doesn’t have the capacity to REALLY care for each student…it shouldn’t be trying to get bigger. Each student, each story matters and if students don’t feel that they as an individual matter we aren’t doing are jobs right.

Leaders need clearer training.  We have trained our leaders to look for new people and in doing so we have created a culture that assumes that if we don’t know a student (maybe because the student hasn’t commited to small groups/gone to camps) than they must be new. As leaders we treat people differently when they are new…”what’s your name?” – ” Is this your first time?” All good questions unlesss you aren’t new! With a little clearer trainer and communication that problem can be solved!

Hurt Students feel Hurt.  Sometimes it’s not about us and our ministries. Sometimes students are hurt and wounded…and we happen to be in the right place for them to responde to us in a hurt way. We, as leaders, need to not respond with defensiveness but with grace. See the hurt and offer grace.

Have you ever had an awkward conversation with a student? What did you learn?

Great video from MissRepresentation:

Thoughts?

We are trying to find fun ways to honor first timers and those that invited them to service! We’ve created a little VIP area with snacks, free stuff like cds and books. Plus, this week we launched the autograph wall! I think students were excited to sign the wall and I think it helped us communicate that each student matters to us!

(side note- all of our first timers were brought by girls…not sure what this means…just that they get it and that they are willing to bring/invite their friends!)

We launched a new series this week in Student Ministries- Bringvitationology. (this is a sweet little word that our church created…I can barely say it!)

Anyway, the goal is to encourage students to Bring/Invite their friends to our weekend service. During this series we are showcasing a few stories of students in our ministry. Here’s the one from today:

I love hearing students stories- and I think it’s such a powerful witness to the other students! How do you share stories?