Last week I took 10 student to the Student Leadership Conference in Dallas, Texas. We had a great time there and I left with a group of students challenged and instructed to step into their full potential as a leader in our ministry.

Top 5 Moments at SLC:

1. Watching my students STEP up to serve when given the chance.

They didn’t have to choose to serve dinner to the entire conference but when the opportunity presented itself they rose to the occasion. In moments like this one I saw my students potential to serve and to lead. They had great attitudes and had fun. I had glimpses of the hope I have for them.

2. Watching my students STRUGGLE to figure stuff out.

The students received several “leadership challenges” and it was good to watch them work hard to complete it. They needed to work well together…this is where they struggled. I took a group of young students who are new(er) to leadership. They haven’t worked together before and were trying to figure out how to communicate with each other…and deal with each other’s personalities and quirks. It was a good struggle. If they figured it out at SLC it can only make it easier back at home.

3. Having FUN with core students

Traveling and getting away from home allowed for us to have some fun together. Laugh, experience new things (in-n-out burgers), sing in the car and stay up late talking and watching ridiculous reality T.V. It was fun. It was good for me and for some of our core students to have fun together. This tightens our relationship and helps us as we do ministry together.

4. Watch my students LISTEN to some great communicators, worship leaders and ministry partners.

Cluster of Students (Saddleback’s student worship band), Skit Guys, Jim Burns and Doug Fields…just a few of the highlights for my students. These great communicators and leaders challenged my students – reinforced messages we’ve given them and inspired them to serve back home in our ministry.

5. The Aftershock

Today, one of the students came into my office to talk about what he has been thinking of since we’ve gotten back. He had ideas about where he could serve, how he might be able to invite more of his friends and he wanted to start working on his story to share in our ministry. He is in 8th grade. I love that we have been back for less than a week and he wants to meet with me about his ideas. He is in 8th grade. (That’s kind of a big deal, right?) To me as a youth worker the BEST thing about SLC is that my students don’t just want to be great leaders…they want to be great leaders in the church.  SLC helps me equip my leaders. 

SLC was definitely a win for our ministry!

There are 2 more conferences; one in California and one in Pennsylvania. Take a big group…take a few students…you won’t regret it! Check it out here.

Two weeks ago we wrapped a series on Sex. Every time we do a series on sex…I feel like a have different conversations and gain some new insight.

Here are a few observations from our last series on sex:

1. We asked students to share with their “u” (our seating set up) which parent had “the talk” with them. In both services, there were students in my group that said they didn’t have the talk with their parents…they had learned all they needed from there friends. The students ranged from 7th grade to 10th grade. I can’t even imagine that students are 13 to 15 years old and not having ANY conversation talked with your parents. That seems a little sketchy to me.
I spoke with our lead pastor (also a parent of a teenager) afterwards about how we could better equip parents to engage with their students. We talked about what it would look like if offered events or resources that would help encourage parents to have a honest conversation with the student. Youth ministries need to help a student by helping the family. 

2. On the Sunday that I spoke in our 3 part series – we allowed for students to text in questions. Again, in both services, students texted in questions about sexual abuse and how God saw them because of what happened to them. EVEN after I had talked specifically about the reality that they are not to blame and there is no shame as part of my message. I think students who have been abused will need to be continually reminded and encouraged that they are not defined by their abuse. We can’t talk about this truth enough.

3. Over the years, the church has talked about sex is various ways. Maybe even two extremes. Sex is bad. Sex is awesome. (I know that may be a slight exaggeration but you know what I mean…) What I do know is at times we have confused kids. We have made sex the MAIN conversation. In some ways, students do feel/think this way. And when we talk about it in certain terms we only had to that pressure. In some ways we have made it the ultimate gift from God and the ultimate sin against God. Instead of sex being a great gift from God BUT not his BEST gift to us which ultimately is his love and grace for us. It is a minor tweak to the conversation but I think it is an important one as we move forward. We’ve made sex the most powerful thing in our lives…let’s take a little power out of it. Freeing students to experience grace were they have messed up and at the same time celebrating singleness that may be ahead of them in the coming years.

Are you learning anything new about our conversation around sex?

I want to inspire my students to be brave. The world isn’t a safe place for many of them…those in the minority because of their race, gender or socio-ecomonic status. At Overlake, we have a large class of seniors leaving us this year and I want them to be brave. As they take there next step forward, I want them to face each obstacle, challenge and doubt with bravery. To not give up but to keep pushing through.

But I can’t inspire in others what I don’t have myself.

I want to be brave. Sometimes, this world (and unfortunately, the church) isn’t safe place for women in ministry.

I want to be brave for my students. I want the girls I encounter in my ministry to know that God can and may choose to call them to ministry. That because they were born a girl doesn’t make them less of a follower of Jesus…or that the spiritual gifts are not exclusive to a set gender.

I want to be brave for the younger female youth workers. The church is a bit safer now than it was when I started in ministry 17 years ago. I want to remind younger women not to give up and to find a church that fully appreciates their gifts and calling without second guessing them.

And lastly, I want to be brave for myself. That in those moments of doubt brought on by challenges to who I am and to my calling that my response would be love…love fueled by compassion and bravery. That I won’t back down and be quiet. That even when I feel like the annoying lady in the corner reminding the group that there is place in the Body of Christ for EVERYONE…I won’t give up. Because, at the end of the day, the conversation matters.

Bravery is found in community. Many of you have become my community…I am grateful for the encouragement and conversations that we have had together that have fueled my bravery.

I pray now that you may also be filled with BRAVERY!!

Part 1-  God’s Love

What would be next on the list of truths that I would want for a girl to know before she leaves our ministry?

Her Body Does Not Define Her

I believe that this simple truth is one of the most powerful truths that a young woman can come to understand in her life. Everywhere she’ll turn, she will hear and see messages that tell her otherwise…and for most, the pursuit of contentment with their outward appearance will rob them of fully knowing all that God may have for them. It will fill their thoughts and it will consume their energy. EVEN those who know this truth will struggle…I would include myself. BUT, if a girl can believe that her body isn’t what defines her and she can walk in a confidence of who she really is…her heart and soul…a daughter of the Most High than she will be freed to walk boldly in all the areas that God calls her, to have authentic relationships with other females and to seek only good and healthy relationships with the opposite sex.  It is one of the most powerful truths that a girl can hear and know.

So, how do we help her know it?

We repeat it.

We communicate it with our non- verbals. We ask ourselves, “do we allow all types of personalities and shapes to be highlighted from the stage so that we communicate that appearance isn’t leadership?”

We don’t joke about body related issues.

We model it.

How do you communicate to your girls that their body doesn’t define them?

This is a repost from last summer…but as we prepare to send off another senior class (a really great one!!!)- I’ve been thinking about my hopes for the girls in our ministries.

I was inspired by Josh’s blog about 24 thoughts for graduating seniors…so for the next 3 days I want to share three truths that I hope girls who graduate from our ministry know as they leave.

Away She Goes- Part 1

In my head the first thing she needs to know should be a simple thought but the more I think about it the more complex it gets. So excuse me as I flush this out…and forgive me if it appears to be more than just one truth.

Before a girl leaves our ministry I hope she knows God’s love. It seems simple, right? See, I want her to know the depth of God’s love for her but I don’t want it to stop there. I want her to understand that this is a radical love for her that is not dependent on her behavior or performance. This love isn’t limited to her and she is called to be a giver of God’s love. I want her to understand the depth of God’s radical love…the kind that impacts every element of a girl’s life…her self confidence, her calling, her future and every relationship. 

So, as each girl leaves are ministry, as they go…I hope they would know that they are loved by God, who is the creator of all things.

We never stop speaking it.

We never stop showing it.

We never stop providing moments to experience it.

How do you teach a girl about God’s love?

Our church is in the middle of a series called Loaded Questions- this past weekend they tackled the question “Why does the church think women should be barefoot and pregnant?”

Great message! Check it out here!

Another reason I love my church…

This week I got a chance to hear Rachel Held Evans speak at one of the local universities in our area. I appreciate her writing and was excited to hear her. I was surprised by her gentle nature…she’s a fireball in her writing. She started with a story from her teens years that became a defining moment for her journey.

Here’s the deal, I can tell you have heard the same story from  multiple women in their 20′s, 30′s, 40′s and 50′s.  The common themes are mind blowing; they had heard the it from someone when they were a teenager, they were praised for their leadership skills followed by a statement that varies but is something like this…”it’s too bad your a girl and can’t be a pastor/preacher.”

Personally, I never heard that statement but I did hear a variation of it. I grew up in a denomination that ordained women. So, I was told what a great SINGLE missionary I would be some day.

All week I have been thinking about these stories.

And here are the problems with the word CAN’T:

1. Many women who I have encountered with this story have struggled with their faith. They doubt who they are and their place in God’s story. Why would He create them a certain way but not allow them to operate in their gifting.

2. Forgive me for sounding blunt…but maybe they can’t in your church or denomination BUT there are churches/denominations where they CAN. This isn’t about one denomination being better than another – it is just the simple truth that there are places in the church where a girl who is an Apostle or Pastor can be an Apostle or Pastor. I don’t know what it would look like for us to affirm a girl and then point her to another church but I have to believe it would be better than her doubting God and herself. (I am not sure that I could ever imagine this really happening but maybe that points to a bigger issue than just one about gender roles.)

3. “Because your a girl” – this statement makes me so sad because it speaks to the way society and unfortunately the church have devalued females. When we start with this statement as a reason not to be a pastor what we don’t understand (possibly because it is not understandable) is the way in which it gives permission for women to be perceived as less than…and I believe with all my heart that is just not biblical.

I am really not trying to be controversial. I am just grow weary of meeting women who wished someone would have said you can instead of you can’t. Women who doubted Jesus and the church because of a one little statement told to them when they were 15.

I pray that the church is becoming a place where we can dialogue openly and with love. I pray that less people, especially women, would be wounded by the words of those in positions of power in the church. Will you join me in this prayer? Will you join me changing the conversation?

Great video about our Dream Center Mission Trip! Made by a very talented intern on our team!