Recently Doug Fields tweeted a question asking, “what is the most popular teenage show?” On Facebook he got 37 responses…the most common answer? Glee! (Yeah, i love that show too.)

About 6 years ago, one of my core small group girls (now graduating from college) started missing group time when I questioned her I discovered that her favorite show had been moved to a new night. After much teasing…we agreed she could DVR it (or tape it) and still make small group. But my curiousity lead me to watch an episode of the show…One Tree Hill. Have you ever seen an episode of that show? Let’s just say that it was educating on so many levels.

Since than I have decided to occasionally watch episodes of the shows that my girls like to watch just so I know what they are watching.
The shows that my girls are watching now are:
Glee (that one is easy)
The Secret Life of an American Teenager
MTV Reality Shows (YIKES!)
Gossip Girl…and most CW shows.
Greek
A new show came out last night called Pretty Little Liars…great title, right?

I watched it out of curiousity from all of the promotional stuff out. My read…Desperate Housewives for teenage girls. Most interesting was they created a relationship between a student and a teacher which they attempted to make seem normal, questionable…yes but still somewhat okay.
These shows send a lot of messages about gossip, drinking, sex, pregnancy, faith, family and life as a teenage girl.
I probably lean on the side that it’s just TV…but I do think we should be aware of the messages that our girls are watching and make sure we do our best to counter the themes in these shows with truth.

What shows are your girls watching? How do you address the themes in these shows?

My small group and I have been trying for the past week to arrange a day for us to hang out. You would think it was a simple task- find a day and time that works for a majority of us.
Oh my word.
I wish I could cut and paste our facebook emails. (can I? someone tell me how?)
It was hilarious.
But it really did remind me how committed (dare I say overcommitted) students are now days. Sports, school, jobs and all the other things they have signed up for.
Definitely speaks to the pressure that is on teens- the pressure to perform.
The good news is that we get to remind them every time we see their faces that God’s love and grace is not about who they are or what they have done.
Kind of makes are job pretty easy.

We did finally settle on a day and a time. I am looking forward to seeing their faces and telling them that they are loved by me and most importantly by God.

Starting with the WHY.

Why do we need to talk about this issue in our youth ministries?

1. Because statistics tell us that 50% of girls between the ages of 11 and 13 see themselves as overweight and 80% of 13-year-olds have attempted to lose weight. And that 95% of those who have eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25*. Based on those stats it is safe to assume that the girls in our ministries are dealing with these issues.

2. Because Jesus effects our whole being- how we see ourselves, how we treat our bodies and surrendering control of ourselves to God’s control. (Most girls who battle an eating disorder may have started with a weight issue but the bigger issue becomes or is control.)

3. Because the world is filled with messages about appearance and beauty- we need to be speaking the truth about the creator of the universe making each of us uniquely and beautifully.

Recently, I was talking to a former student who has battled bulimia. We talked for awhile about what triggered her and what helped her eventually get to a more healthly place. (From the little I know, I am certain that this issue is a life long issue.) As she spoke I thought of a few cautionary tales for us as youth workers.

1. When addressing the issue be careful not to give “advice” on how to become a statistic. I’ve heard messages for girls that include a testimony and within the testimony is tips…”here’s what I ate” or “I would throw up after each meal.” One student told me that she learned how from watching a video on anorexia on youtube. Another told me that she had a mentor that overcame an eating disorder- and she often shared stories that triggered within this student her own need/brokeness which lead to her battling bulimia.

2. Don’t provide false hope. Jesus is the healer of all people and all battles but how he heals varies from person to person. Don’t make any promise that if you come forward and get prayed for that this issue will be done and over. Instead provide prayer and resources like a list of Christian counselors or even a program at church like Life Hurts, God Heals. Be sure to find those resources before you talk.

3. Tell their parents. The Department of Mental Health states that “eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.” If a girl in youth ministry is battling an eating disorder than her(or his) parents need to know- it is a life or death matter.

Check out this resource that MTDB posted about last week for more potential resources. http://wonderfullymade.org/

Finally, there is hope and there is healing for students who are struggling- and sometimes that hope and healing begins with us being willing to simple talk about the hard stuff.

*Statistics from the Department of Health

I’ve been thinking about a few topics that aren’t “typical” for youth ministry. I would like to make a push for them to become typical points of conversation.
Over the next few days, I explore each of the topics.
Here’s the list:
1. Eating Disorders
2. Relationship Violence
3. Internet Safety
4. Bullying
5. Cutting (self-hatred)
6. Performance Standards
7. Money beyond tithing/giving

I am excited to dive into these topics over the next few days. These are topics that matter to girls in our ministries and can definitely effect how they live out their faith in Jesus!

Are you currently creating a list of things you should bring to summer camp? I would like to suggest that you add one more item to that list. Whether you pass this info onto another leader or to your camp nurse…this is a lesson that I have learned after 10+ years of youth ministry.

Are you ready?

Feminine Products.

When a group of girls get together for any length of time- you are bound to have a surprise arrival and unprepared host. Trust me…it will happen.

Today is a special day for our family. In the adoption world, they call it “forever family” day but I am not sold on that name but we are still celebrating how God has formed our family!
Any ideas for a name?

This weekend Josh (mi marido) and I are speaking at a Youth For Christ retreat called CityServe. Our message theme for the weekend is the Underdogs.

Last night, Josh talked about how God sides with the underdog including the one in us. How many us or our students have felt like the odds are against them in this world. Tonight, I am talking about the underdogs of the world – the poor, the sick, the fatherless and the oppressed. This message is a little intense…my challenge for the night is not losing students to the overwhelming statistics but keeping them engaged. Josh will wrap up the weekend challenging students to take sides with the underdogs in their schools and world. One of our former students will share her story on Sunday. I am excited to share with these students and encourage them and challenge them. Thanks to Youth For Christ for inviting us!

I’ll never understand why it happens but it does…girls committing crimes against other girls both friends and aquintances. Crimes like unkind words spoken to each to other, written online or “simple” gossip. Even making quick judgements about another’s character and by making assumptions that are unfair or inaccurate.

Without fail, when doing ministry with girls you become an eyewitness to these crimes.
Here’s what I like to remind girls about when it comes to crimes against each other:

EVERYONE HAS A STORY and their story matters. Whether the girl is the victim of the crime or the one committing the crime…everyone has a story. And that story usually plays a large role in our behavior, our words and even our appearance. While working with Doug, I heard him say many times, “Hurt people hurt people.” And, in this broken world we ALL are hurt…some more than others but all of us have experienced pain and disappointment.

Understanding this truth allows everyone (me, you and the girls we work with) to make room for grace in their lives and grace for others. For example, the next time I start to make an assumption about someone because of the way they look or what they seem to be doing…I’ll start by thinking first of their story- what led her to this moment and to these actions. Or the next time some one says something unkind about me, I’ll start by wondering who hurt her or what part of her story caused her pain. And maybe by starting at these points (imagine if we all started there), I can offer grace. And by doing so I can lower the girl on girl crime in my neighborhood.

Yesterday, before small groups I swung by the Half Price Book store and couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this book:

A book for teen girls by one of the stars from Sex in the City? Really? I went online to read more about the book and was surprised to find positive feedback- one was by a grandparent for her 11 year old granddaughter. I am smart enough to know that who she is on a show is not nessecary who she is in the real world but REALLY? Don’t even get me started on the titles of her other books. I obviously didn’t buy the book but I am thinking about going back to get it as another wild reminder to me about the many messages that this world is sending to girls and how important that we INTENTIONALLY create a ministry for girls.